Key tips for living with roommates
Living with roommates can be a great experience that also might come with its challenges. For many of you, this might be the first time you’re sharing a living space or living with someone new.
Most students get along well with their roommates, and it’s normal to have disagreements sometimes. The good news is that working through these issues can help you grow and even strengthen your relationship. Here are some tips to help you create a positive living situation and handle any conflicts that might come up.
Get to know your roommate
Find common interests with your roommate and be open to accepting your differences. Even if you already know them, take some time to talk about the semester ahead and your daily routines.
Learn each other’s schedules so you can respect each other’s needs. For example, if you have an early class and need to go to bed early, but your roommate has a late work schedule and prefers to sleep in, understanding these habits will make living together easier. Good communication is key to figuring out each other’s routines and preferences.
Set ground rules together
As you get to know your roommate, this is a great time to establish ground rules to prevent misunderstandings later. Topics you could discuss include guests, chores and shared belongings.
Creating a roommate agreement is an easy way to discuss and agree on expectations with your roommate. If you live on campus, your resident advisor (RA) will work with you to set one up. If you live off campus, use this free roommate agreement template.
Be open to compromise
When discussing things with your roommate, you might have differences or opinions that could lead to disagreements. However, it’s often possible to find middle ground and compromise on things that aren’t a big deal.
For instance, if you prefer studying at home on Friday afternoons but your roommate likes to have friends over at the end of the week, you could choose to study at the library instead of asking for quiet time. Working out compromises like this can make living together more comfortable for both of you.
Respect each other’s space and belongings
Living in the residence halls or apartments can mean tight quarters, but you and your roommate still have a right to privacy and boundaries.
- Ask before you borrow items belonging to your roommate, including food, clothes and toiletries.
- Share plans with your roommate that might affect them, like if you’ve invited guests or are going out of town for the weekend.
- Respect the ground rules that you’ve set up together—quiet hours, responsibilities with chores, etc.
Address issues quickly and in person
It’s a good idea to deal with roommate problems quickly before they become bigger issues. Try to talk to your roommate face-to-face about anything important. Using texts, social media or sticky notes to bring up problems can often lead to misunderstandings or make the situation worse. For example, a simple reminder like “Don’t forget to take out the trash” could come across differently than you intended.
Before you bring up an issue, take a moment to think about how to explain your feelings and needs. Using “I” statements is a helpful way to start. For example, you could say, “I feel frustrated when guests eat my snacks because I don’t always have time to go grocery shopping.”
Respect is a two-way street. Make sure to really listen to your roommate when they respond and ask questions to better understand their point of view. Avoid thinking about how you’ll respond while they’re talking—focus instead on understanding their thoughts and feelings so you can find a solution together.
If you’re nervous about starting the conversation, you can ask your RA or the Conflict Resolution team for help. They can guide the discussion and help you work things out. Remember, dealing with conflict can lead to better communication and a stronger relationship with your roommate.
Find support
You have access to a variety of resources to help resolve roommate conflicts if they come up.
Buffs living on campus can reach out to their resident advisors (RA) for support. RAs are a great resource to help mediate conversations and find common ground. Be sure to talk with your roommate beforehand and schedule a time with your RA to discuss potential or unresolved issues.
All students can visit Conflict Resolution, whether they live on or off campus. They can help you navigate conflicts between roommates, significant others, professors, classmates or others. They also offer free workshops, mediation and coaching sessions to help you improve your conflict management and resolution skills.
If you're ever concerned about your roommate, reach out to Student Outreach, Advocacy & Support or Student Conduct & Conflict Resolution for guidance.
Living with a roommate is a chance to build meaningful friendships and learn how to communicate effectively. By setting clear rules, resolving disagreements and using campus resources when needed, you can create a positive and supportive living space.