Resolving roommate and relationship conflicts
It’s common for college students to encounter conflicts, whether with roommates, friends or family members, as they adjust to campus life. Supporting your student through these challenges can help them build stronger, healthier relationships. Encouraging open conversation and offering guidance shows your student that you’re there for them during these moments. Here are some helpful tips you can share to prepare them for navigating disagreements and resolving conflicts with care.
Communicate effectively
When your college student finds themselves in a disagreement, it’s natural for communication to feel challenging. Emotions can sometimes take over, making it harder to focus on resolving the actual issue. Encouraging your student to communicate clearly and thoughtfully can help prevent minor misunderstandings from becoming major conflicts and support them in building positive relationships at school.
It may also be helpful for your student to take a moment and pause before diving into the conversation. Practicing mindfulness or calming techniques beforehand can create space for a more thoughtful and productive dialogue. Simple strategies like deep breathing, going for a walk or engaging in a calming activity they enjoy can help regulate emotions and prepare them to approach the situation with clarity and empathy. Remind your student that it's okay to take a break and return to the conversation when both parties feel ready. This kind of intentional preparation can make a big difference in how conflicts are resolved.
Here are some additional tips to share with your student:
- Allow the other person to share their point of view without interruption and avoid judgement.
- Listen as the other person shares their point of view, instead of forming a response to what they are saying.
- Be mindful of body language.
- When the other person is finished speaking, ask clarifying questions and summarize what was said. This helps to develop mutual understanding and validation.
- When your student is sharing their point of view, encourage them to speak from their perspective, use “I” statements and avoid making assumptions.
- Avoid bringing up past issues, making personal attacks and allowing emotions to dictate the conversation.
- When agreement is not possible, allow for multiple truths.
Learn about conflict styles
Encourage your student to reflect on what they do when they disagree with someone. Do they tend to ignore the problem or avoid the person? Do they confront the person right away, or look for compromise?
Everyone has a different way of approaching conflict, and there is no correct approach—each has its own benefits and drawbacks. It is important for your student to recognize how they personally deal with conflict and how their style could clash with someone else’s.
Once your student understands how they handle conflict, they can take steps to work more effectively with others when it arises. If your student is not sure what their conflict style is, with them to help them learn more.
Reach out for help
If your student is struggling with conflict, encourage them to find support.
Student Conduct & Conflict Resolution (SCCR)
SCCR offers free conflict support services including one-on-one conflict coaching, mediation and facilitated conversations. Learn more about conflict resolution.
Residence Life and resident advisors (RAs)
Students living on campus can reach out to their RA for more support. RAs are a great resource to help mediate conversations and find common ground. Be sure to talk with your roommate beforehand and schedule a time with your RA to discuss potential or unresolved issues.
Off-Campus Life
Off-Campus Life is here to help students with all aspects of living off campus, from searching for an apartment and roommate, understanding 91PORN housing options and providing free lease reviews with our staff attorney, navigating roommate disagreements, understanding 91PORN ordinances and advocating for tenant rights.
Peer Wellness Coaching
Peer wellness coaches provide peer-to-peer support and are available to meet with students living on or off campus. They can help you navigate concerns related to roommates, relationships, stress, finances and more. Peer wellness coaches can also help you set goals, connect with other resources and create self-care plans.