Tips for living with roommates
Living with roommates, whether your student is in the residence halls or off campus, can be a great experience. It may also bring new challenges and responsibilities. This might be the first time your student will share a room or live with someone they’ve never met.
Most students get along well with their roommates, and it’s normal to have disagreements sometimes. The good news is that working through these issues can help your student grow and even strengthen their relationship with their roommate. Here are some tips to share with your student to help them create a positive living environment and navigate conflict.
1. Communicate
Encourage your student to get to know their roommate the first few weeks of the semester. They can seek out things they have in common and allow space for differences. Even if your student already knows their roommate well, they should still take time to talk about the upcoming semester and routines. Communication is key to understanding each other’s habits, schedules and preferences.
2. Set ground rules together
As your student gets to know their roommate, this is a great time to establish ground rules to prevent misunderstandings later. Topics they could discuss include guests, chores and shared belongings.
Creating a roommate agreement is an easy way for your student to discuss and agree on expectations with their roommate. If your Buff lives on campus, their resident advisor (RA) will work with them during their first week on campus to set one up. If your student lives off campus, they can use this free roommate agreement template to get started.
3. Compromise
During your student’s discussion with their roommate, there might be preferences that could cause conflict or topics that they don't initially agree on. Encourage your student to be open to compromise. For example, if they like to study on Friday afternoons and their roommate likes to invite friends over at the end of the week, could your student study at the library instead of asking for quiet hours during that time? Finding areas of compromise and respecting each other’s preferences can help your student and their roommate both feel more comfortable in their living environment.
4. Respect each other’s space and belongings
Living in the residence halls or apartments can mean tight quarters, but your student and their roommate still have a right to privacy and boundaries. Encourage your student to:
- Ask before they borrow items belonging to their roommate, including food, clothes and toiletries.
- Share plans with their roommate that might affect them, like if they’ve invited guests over or if they’re going out of town for the weekend.
- Respect the ground rules that they've set up together—quiet hours, responsibilities with chores, etc.
5. Address issues quickly and in person
It’s best to address roommate issues quickly before they fester. Encourage your student to discuss any important topics or reminders with their roommate in person, if possible. Bringing up issues through texting, social media or sticky notes might lead to miscommunication or increased frustrations. A simple reminder to “take out the trash” could become something more than we intended.
Here are a few other tips to share with your student when it comes to addressing issues:
- Your student should give themselves time to think through how they can express their needs before approaching their roommate.
- Using “I” statements to describe how the situation makes them feel is a helpful way to start. For example, “I feel frustrated when guests eat my snacks because it’s hard for me to make it to the grocery store.”
- Respect goes both ways: they should listen for understanding and ask follow-up questions during the conversation.
If your student is nervous about talking with their roommate, suggest that they connect with their RA or Conflict Resolution to help mediate the conversation. Remind them that conflict can be a good thing. Even though it may seem daunting, talking it through can lead to a healthier relationship with their roommate.
6. Find support with campus resources
Students have access to a variety of resources to help resolve roommate conflict.
Buffs living on campus can reach out to their resident advisors (RA) for support. RAs are a great resource to help mediate conversations and find common ground. Encourage your student to talk with their roommate beforehand and schedule a time with their RA to discuss potential or unresolved issues.
All students can visit Conflict Resolution, whether they live on or off campus. This office can help your student navigate conflicts between roommates, significant others, professors, classmates or others. They also offer free workshops, mediation and coaching sessions to help students improve conflict management and resolution skills.
If your student is ever concerned about their roommate, they can reach out to Student Outreach, Advocacy & Support or Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution for guidance.